Physical Touch as Love Language: Showing Care Through Contact

When you hear the words ‘physical touch’ and ‘love language’, it’s easy to let your mind fall into the gutter. According to relationship expert Dr Gary Chapman, physical touch is one of five love languages, ways people like to give and receive love. While the sexual kind of touching is definitely one aspect of physical touch, that’s definitely not all there is to this love language. In this article, we’ll talk about the meaning of physical touch, the role of physical touch in a relationship, and offer you a few tips on how to better integrate physical affection into your love life.

What is physical touch as a love language?

Having physical touch as a love language means that you – or your partner – enjoys being in physical contact with the people you love. This can include hand-holding, cuddling, casual touches on the arm or shoulder as you pass by, or something more intimate like kisses or sex. Basically, you show (or like to receive) affection via physical touch.

Sadly, many people misunderstand physical touch as being only about sex. The truth is that there are many types of physical touch and sex is just one of them. In fact, while sex is great, it’s definitely not the be-all and end-all of physical touch as a love language; multiple studies have shown that non-sexual touch is a key factor in strengthening relationships, since it shows your partner you love them for more than just their body.¹ 

When it comes to figuring out whether you or your partner resonate with physical touch as a love language, here are some questions to ask yourselves:

• Do you feel more loved when receiving physical contact (hugs, kisses, etc.) from loved ones?
• If there is a lack of physical affection in your relationship, does it lead to you feeling neglected or unloved?
• Do you instinctively hug friends or family when you see them, reach for your partner’s hand, or generally initiate contact with your loved ones?
• Do you feel hurt when a loved one shies away or refuses physical contact with you?
• Does physically touching each other make you feel more connected to your partner?

Physical touch in a relationship

Physical touch is a love language for good reason – studies show that non-sexual touch can have beneficial effects on emotional as well as physical health. Researchers have found that touch such as hand-holding and cuddling can reduce blood pressure and increase immunity. Additionally, regular physical touch helps you connect more with your partner, which in turn helps you be more aware of their needs and emotions. Also, casually touching your partner in a non-sexual way can increase the level of comfort between the two of you, thereby deepening your bond and strengthening your relationship.² 

Touch starvation is a documented medical phenomenon, and the result of not getting enough touch. When you’re not touched enough, it can lead to lowered levels of a hormone called oxytocin, which is key when it comes to happiness and positivity. Over time, touch starvation can lead to insomnia, reduced mental health, and even poor decision-making. For this reason, even if physical touch isn’t you or your partner’s primary love language, it’s important to spend at least some time being in contact with each other. In the next section, we’ll talk about ways to add physical touch to your relationship no matter what your stage of dating.

Examples of physical touch

Unfortunately, our culture often isn’t big on non-sexual touch, which can make having physical touch as your love language challenging. Some ways to integrate more touch into your relationship:

• Talk about it. Communication is the cornerstone of a healthy relationship for a reason, and letting your partner know about your need for physical touch is a good first step to getting more.
• Make it a part of your daily routine. A habit of a kiss on the cheek or cuddling while you watch movies is a great way to get a dose of intimacy in.
• When your partner initiates contact, show your appreciation for it. Let them know how much you appreciate them speaking your love language.

We hope it goes without saying, but consent is a key part of physical touch as a love language, whether that’s giving or receiving. Make sure your partner is okay with it before you get affectionate! Additionally, the great thing about this love language is that it doesn’t have to be a big deal; one of the best ways to strengthen your relationship is via regular, everyday expressions of affection. A few examples of physical touch to get you started:

1. Kiss your partner hello and goodbye, even if you just saw each other.
2. Offer to give them a back, neck, or foot rub, especially after a long day. If you’re not sure you’ll do it right, the Internet has some great tutorials.
3. Even if you’re having a serious conversation, make it a point to hold their hand or rub their arm while you’re talking.
4. Pick something sexual they’ve been wanting to do and make it happen.
5. Put on some music and dance around the living room with them. If you’re not great at dancing, lessons make for a great date.
6. Don’t stop with lip or cheek kisses; try the forehead, neck, collarbone, and back of their hand, too.
7. Come up behind them (with warning!) and wrap your arms around them from behind.
8. Run your fingers through their hair.
9. Lightly trace their facial features with your fingertips.
10. When you’re settling in for a movie or TV show, cuddle them close.
11. Take a shower together and make it a point to wash their hair for them. To make it even more fun, splurge on fancy soap and shampoo.
12. Even if you’re not in the mood for sex, make it clear to them you still find them sexy and desirable.
13. Brush their hair for them.
14. Hold their hand when you’re out and about.
15. Figure out a secret physical signal to say ‘I love you’… then use it!

Physical touch in long distance relationships

More and more people are deciding that distance is not a factor when it comes to romance, which is great, except when it comes to the whole physical touch thing. Here are a few ways to get your need for physical affection met even when your partner isn’t around:

• Wearing each other’s clothing can help you both feel connected
• A weighted blanket, especially doused with a drop of your partner’s perfume or cologne, can feel like a hug
• Facetime dates can help with the need to be in each other’s presence
• Eating a meal together (online) can help you feel closer to them
• A care package can feel like a long-distance hug

Getting closer – literally – is a great way to bond with your partner

While physical touch may often be one of the most misunderstood love languages, it’s still a great way to strengthen your connection with your partner, especially if you’re not one for words or gifts. Even outside of showing your affection, physical touch has important physical and emotional benefits, so next time… take her hand, cuddle him on the couch, dance them around the room just because. Even if it’s not your primary love language, embracing physical touch is a great way to show your partner you care.

---