Both sides of dating a single mum

When it comes to dating single mothers, there are a few unique dynamics that make it different. From reduced free time to actively date, to exploring the need to relate to the child, to the preconceptions (or misconceptions) that we inadvertently bring into the relationship. At times, it can be a bit complex.

Yet, we can consider that the prevalence of single mums in today’s dating scene might mean that fate could find you falling for and dating a single mum one day, so you may want to look into how to do it successfully.

Tips for dating as a single mum

It would be naive to say that dating when you’re a single mother doesn’t have inherent limitations. These could be due to finding time to date while balancing your parental responsibilities, or the fact that some single parents aren’t ready to put themelves out there again.

If you’re taking yourself out of the dating scene because you think no one would be interested in dating a single mum, we’d have to disagree. Here are some aspects to consider.

Note: the following data is part of two separate surveys we conducted with our members.¹²

• Recognize your worth – 28% of mums think mentioning kids on their profile might possibly suggest they have too much baggage. But being a mother doesn’t alter the positive qualities you bring to a relationship. Keep this in mind as you look; never compromise on your goals and standards.
• Make time to date – The two biggest dating barriers respondents mentioned involved finding free time to look for and date potential partners. Though you have other priorities, try to make time for your love life – or you may end up resenting your situation.  
• Don’t rush into it – Single mothers looking for love often want to make the most of their dating time, which can make them want to speed the process up. Dating is about you, so take it at your own pace and never push yourself into a situation before you’re ready.
• Set healthy boundaries – Boundaries are essential when building a stable relationship, particularly when there’s a child in the equation. Issues such as how much you want to talk about your child, or the right time to introduce them to partners are examples of things you should consider beforehand.  
• Date with purpose – 58% said the main benefit of dating as a parent was eliminating time-wasters from dating. If you’re using a single mum dating site like eharmony, for instance, don’t be afraid to be specific about what you’re looking for in your profile. 
• Have fun – While dating has an end goal, try to enjoy the experience for what it is. That way you’ll be less disappointed by romances that fizzle out and learn to be more present in the mument.

The truth is many singles across all age ranges have a positive perspective on dating a single mum and think the challenges are manageable. Where you see obstacles, they see life experience, maturity, stability and the ability to take life as it comes.

Tips for dating a single mum

If you’re asking yourself the question,  ‘Should I date a single mum?’, you may be curious about some of the extra considerations you’ll need to make. These include understanding she will have significant priorites, and that you’ll need to learn and navigate their schedule.

However, once you get used to and accept the unique dynamics of dating someone with children, you’ll learn it’s not that different. Here are some tips on how to deal with it in a positive way that enriches your dating experience.

• Stop and think – The first thing you have to consider is whether you can realistically deal with the more complicated dynamics of dating a single mum. It’s completely acceptable not to be ready for it. What isn’t acceptable is wasting someone else’s time as you work this out.
• Know what you’re looking for and express it – Look beyond their motherhood to the type of partner they could be. Don’t get distracted and forget about the fundamental need for compatibility. If you’re using a regular or single mother dating site, be clear about these aspects in your profile too. 
• Don’t be judgemental – Single mothers often have complex reasons as to why they’re in that situation. Try to be open-minded and kind as you get to know them better. Remember that people’s lives are unique and take difficult, unexpected turns. Everyone has their own history. 
• Learn to be patient and flexible – Single mums may have less free time. Try to keep this in mind, even if the dating process is slower than you’re used to. They may also need to cancel at the last minute if they can’t find childcare.
• Don’t play games – This is a good tip for dating in general, but it’s essential when dating a single mum. They tend to date more purposefully and may see mind games as a red flag more quickly than regular singles.
• Let it grow organically – Learn how to take the relationship as it comes and never ask for too much too soon. With time, you’ll grow more comfortable with letting her take the lead with making plans. 
• Dealing with the other parent – This can be one of the trickiest elements of dating people with children. They may be harmoniously co-parenting, or there may be conflict. Regardless, try to understand that this will impact your relationship.
• Don’t judge yourself harshly – There’s going to be a learning curve when you’re dating a single mother. You’re going to make mistakes along the way and that’s okay. As long as you’re fine with being vulnerable and communicating openly with your partner, you can move past them healthily.
• Learn to be a source of support – Try to be as trustworthy and reliable as possible, as this is often a crucial trait to a single mum. They experience immense pressure from life, so dating them also involves active listening when they share any part of themselves.
• Remember your needs are also important – It’s good to be open to new things and willing to compromise but don’t lose sight of your own needs in the process. It’s okay if it becomes too much to deal with, but be honest. The truth is all you really owe them.

We’d be remiss if we didn’t also say you need to take personal responsibility when deciding if dating a single mum is right for you. Remember that single mums are individuals with their own needs and desires. To gain true intimacy and joy from the relationship, focus on them as a person, not just the parental aspect. 

It’s a chance to enrich your life even further

To the single mothers out there, remember to always value yourself during the dating process. We understand fitting dating into your life can be challenging. However, try to embrace dating for the experience that it is, from the journey to the destination.

To those dating a single mum, we’d offer the same advice. Try not to have too many preconceived notions. Take it day by day. You may end up enjoying the results in different ways than you thought possible.  

If you’re having any problems meeting singles of any type, try exploring online dating to open up your dating world and find out who’s out there.