Why single parents don’t mention kids on their dating profile

Almost two-thirds (64%) of single parents on dating sites don’t mention the fact they have children, according to research from the team at eharmony.

The figures reveal the stigma that still surrounds dating with children and shine a light on the emotional and financial challenges facing single parents who want to find love.

Being seen as having ‘baggage’ because of their children was a worry for 28%, while a quarter (25%) don’t include their kids because they feel it’s not important information. More than one in five (22%) want to get to know someone before revealing they have children.

Laurel House, eharmony dating and relationships expert, said: “The reason many parents decide to keep their children off their profiles is always personal to that individual parent. It could be based on their custody situation, how long they have been a single parent, the age of their children, their values or insecurities, or simply because they have never dated as a single parent before and don’t know how to include this new reality into the mix.”

Facing challenges

Dating as a parent was seen as challenging on a whole, and a third of respondents hadn’t been on a date since giving birth. Single mums were more likely to have stayed off the dating scene, with 36% not having dated since splitting with their partner; for dads, the comparable figure was 26%.

Of those who have ventured back, more describe their dating life as stressful (32%) than positive (25%), and just one in ten (12%) say it is ‘fulfilling’.

Finding the positives

However, it’s not all negative. Almost two-thirds (58%) of single parents say dating as a parent means they won’t accept ‘time wasters’, and over half (54%) say it has given them a better idea of the values and traits they’re looking for in a partner. One in ten (11%) even ask their children for dating advice. Laurel House continues: “More than letting them know who you are, you want to know who they are. Are they someone who’s going to judge you without asking questions in order to understand? Are they someone who truly does not want to be with a parent, or maybe doesn’t care whether you’re a parent or not, but they certainly don’t want anything to do with your kids? You won’t know any of that unless and until you reveal you are a parent.”

Keeping mum

Parents who are dating often keep it a secret from their children. Over two-thirds (69%) say they don’t tell their children about every date they go on, with three-quarters of women (76%) keeping the information to themselves. Half (51%) are worried about introducing a new partner to their children.

Almost half (44%) of single parents who haven’t started dating again say they are prioritising their children, and three-quarters would be prepared to remain single if that’s what their kids wanted, rising to 84% of young parents aged 18-24.

Paying the price

The cost of living is a significant factor in fewer single parents going on dates. One in five (20%) say they can’t afford it, and 18% are more particular about who they date for the same reason. Half (49%) now expect to split the cost of the date equally.